Anger Management

Anger is a part of our life. I have seen many people who are always calm, cool and composed. You may also know many. I hope you are also one of them. I assure you that I am one of those guys who never loses temper. No, the word ‘never’ may be an exaggeration. Let me say that I do become angry very very rarely. I show my anger for a very short duration and then I am back to normal.

There are times when the other person drives you to the wall to such an extent that despite your best efforts, despite your yogic powers, despite your regular dose of meditation, anger does explode. So I repeat that anger is a part of life. There are times, the coolest people also become angry. The important thing is that we should find a way to diffuse such unpleasant situations in the future and manage our anger as well as take steps to take the wind off from the bloated anger of the person on the other side.

Anger has led to crumbling of families. Anger eliminated some of the greatest empires from the face of this planet. Anger has led to great employees being fired and great companies losing business. So does it mean that a leader or a manager or a supervisor should always project a smiling face all the time? Even if his/her subordinates are indulging in an act of indiscipline or insubordination or doing something that is not in the interest of the organization. The answer is that you can’t be a meek spectator as a team leader in such situations and you can firmly handle them without getting angry.  There may be a situation where you have to demonstrate your anger in no uncertain terms to such people. This is your duty as a leader at times to convey that you mean business. But mark my word ‘demonstrate’. You need not be angry at heart and burning with fire from inside out. But you have to demonstrate your anger. You have to pretend that you are angry with the ‘uncalled for behaviour’ of your employees or a team member.

This is controlled anger. This is anger management. And after having a show of your anger for a few minutes or seconds, you got to become your original cool, calm and composed self when you deal with someone else over a phone call or with some other guest waiting for you in the conference room.

There are times when two managers of the same level lose their calm over some subject of mutual interest or conflict in the company. If one of them is calm and one is angry, it is manageable but when both of them lose their temper, situation can become explosive. Once you are engulfed with anger, you cannot separate your emotions from the discussion, and that prevents the two parties to resolve their differences in a manner that is satisfactory to both sides. In such cases, if one takes the courage and shows maturity to remain calm, cool, composed and collected, she/he is more likely to help the other person calm down as well. And once both of you are calm, a reasonable discussion can resume. If you find, that things are getting worse, it may be worth to have a coffee break.

There are some people at home or at office who are habitually irritating and keep shouting all the time. They seem to have pent up feelings and are full of anger. How do you handle them? Simply ignore them. Just let them get it all out until they can calm themselves down. Hear from one ear and let it get out from the other.

In a conflict, when you try to explain something to the other party, they get into a fighting mode. This becomes more serious when through your explanation, you try to prove them wrong. Here instead of preaching to the other party, seek their advice. Never accuse the other party. Construct your statements to focus on the problem rather on the individuals having a different point of view. Both the parties should be working on the resolution of the problem, rather than shouting on each other. Avoid ‘one up man ship’ syndrome in such discussions.

In order to have a long lasting relationship with the other difficult individual, let him or her have the last word once you’ve reached an understanding after a lot of hectic and hot parleys. The idea is to avoid rekindling of flames of anger and accusations. Your goal is to end the conflict and to reach an agreement and not to prove that you are the victor and the other party is a loser. Keep your cool and ignore the little things. While you concentrate on your achievement, let the other party celebrate their victory. This may help some usually angry person to give up his or her anger gradually. At least you will become expert to some extent in managing such habitual angry people. Michelle Horst in her book ‘Wake Me Up’ wrote:

“It's the easiest thing in the world to be kind to someone, to show love, to forgive. You are born with this instinct - it should be your first reaction. NOT violence, anger and hatred! That is something we are taught, it's a Choice You Make.” 

Bhagwad Geeta, Chap.II- Sankya yoga, Verse: 63 beautifully explains what damage the anger can cause:

Krodhat Bhavati Sammoha,

Sammohat Smriti Vibhramah,

Smriti Bhransat Budhinasho

Budhinashat Pranashyati

Which means- From anger comes delusion - delusion in turn leads to loss of memory - loss of memory leads to loss of reason (error in judgment) And ultimately loss of reason (lack of discrimination) ruins a person.

Truly speaking, we can call ourselves fully successful in our personal and professional life only when we have learnt how to conquer our own anger. And conquering our anger is important if we wish to have good health, happiness and congenial environment in our surroundings. I am sure you will know umpteen number of cases where people had a heart attack, when they had a severe fit of anger. But let us also accept that conquering anger is not that easy. It requires real self-discipline, self-analysis and mind control. We got to say good bye to emotions like jealousy, greed, hatred and wrongly placed pride.    
Don’t let a minor anger to manifest into a monster into your mind. Check it in the initial stages itself. If you get a feeling of anger popping its head in some corner of your mind, just have a glass of water sip by sip, get into ‘Mouna’ (silence). Count from One to Ten or chant ‘Aum’ or any other God’s name you believe in your heart and that will silence the monster of anger that was trying to raise its head.

And going by how tech savvy the world is today, it wouldn’t really be a bad idea to have a funny video handy on your smartphone that you relish most. Nothing like a good old joke or video to calm you down and cheer you up at the click of a button!!!