No matter how hard we work or how many brilliant ideas we may have, if we can’t connect with the people who work around us, our professional life is of no significance and will get a beating ultimately. And the same is true about our family life. It is very important how we handle our colleagues and employees at our office but it is much more important how we deal with our spouse, our parents, siblings and the children. We need to have a smooth relationship with all the people who come in contact with us at home, office or in our public dealings.
A person who is adept in his dealings with people in all these spheres can be considered to be blessed with the knack of great Inter Personal Skills. Such a person becomes darling of everyone wherever he goes. Wouldn’t you like to be admired by people around you? There will always be some exceptions. Despite your best behavior with everyone around, there will always be a few who may not have a benevolent attitude towards you. ‘But thou shall not give up’ even for such people is the commandant ;-)
Our effort should be to always create a positive personal impact on the person who is in front of us and interacting with us. We create an impact on others through our opinions and the amount of interest we demonstrate about other people’s opinions. The pitch, pace and pauses when we speak, the effect of our silence and the expressions we use and also the body language we display are all very important. We should be concerned and aware how other people see us. What impression do we leave when we come out of a meeting or a conversation? Every meeting may not be a pleasant experience for us. But at the end of the meeting we must analyze about our performance during the meeting.
Winning an argument at the cost of losing a friend or a customer or creating a wedge with a family member is not at all a bright idea.
जिंदगी का यह हूनुर भी आजमाना चाहिए,
अगर जंग दोस्तों से हो तो हार जाना चाहिए।
(One must try this skill in life too, if the fight is with friends, just accept the defeat)
Learning to accept each other’s faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship. One has to consciously make an attempt to create a conducive climate in the surroundings where you live or where you work. This includes our home, residential area and the office. There are places where your presence may be very temporary like when you are travelling by train, air or in a bus. You may be attending a marriage party or a rotary dinner. Even in such settings, one should try not to raise any controversial topics and should discuss matters of common interest only. If you are able to create a lasting impression in such short interactions, your day is made.
There are times when you feel very strongly that things are not happening in the right direction and in a right way. You want to intervene and shake up the people doing the wrong things. Before you decide to take up the cudgels with the wrong doers, take a fresh look at the situation from the other person’s perspective. Chances are that you may realize that you would have done the same thing if you were in his/her shoes. Even if you come to the conclusion that the other person is totally wrong and needs to be taught a lesson, the first approach should be to communicate with him/her on one to one basis. Here also, instead of trying to give a lecture to the other party, a patient hearing of his/her views may be more productive, what we call active listening. One of the key communication etiquette advocates ‘Don’t Criticize, Don’t Complain but Do Convey.’
Even if you feel that your criticism is very constructive and is going to benefit the other person, it is your duty to use a language that is not humiliating and belittling him/her but encouraging and motivating. Even if you have to point out the mistakes: a person has done, it may be a good idea to make a positive and appreciative statement about the good part of the project which he/she may have done and then shift the focus to the part needing improvement for the overall success of the project. Make the other person feel important, responsible and accountable about the job and how a successful completion will increase his/her esteem and credibility in the organization.
Improving our posture, knowing how to shake hands properly, having good manners, not fidgeting with the paper weight during meetings, controlling our nerves in meetings, looking friendly and confident are some of the signs of creating a positive impact. A decent, neat and clean dress and well-groomed looks with a genuine cheerful smile are also part of creating a good impact. One must try to cultivate a personality that is commanding yet humble. Let there be a liberal use of words like ‘Thank You’ and ‘Please’ in your day to day conversation. And don’t feel shy of saying ‘Sorry’ to anyone if you feel even remotely that you have made a mistake or you have hurt someone.
Always remember that only Win/Win relationships are considered healthy and ultimately survive. Win/Lose is acceptable when you are in the sporting arena and are competing to win the athletic run or a match. Even in your business, win/lose relationship with customer will not get you a loyal customer. You may win a deal on your terms somehow but if the customer feels cheated, he/she will never come to you again and instead tell 10 others about your unethical dealings. Make sure that your customer believes that he/she got a good quality at a good bargain and offer a good after sales service too. Obviously, you got to make your profits too. That is Win/Win. At times a Lose/Win situation is acceptable too when you feel that the argument in question is too trivial to offend the other party. Your spouse wanted to go to Switzerland for a holiday and you had plans to go to England and there is a discussion on that. Even if you lose and your spouse wins, it is no big deal. Be rest assured, this Lose/Win situation will make the holidays much brighter and enjoyable ;-)
These Interpersonal Skills have the power of deep penetration into the hearts of others and project you as a people’s man. Such a person can easily don the role of a ‘Task Oriented’ leader when the situation demands and will generally be more successful in his/her life as he/she will have the mastery of the art of ‘Getting Things Done’ from his/her team members.
Veerendra K Jaitly
VK Jaitly is a motivational speaker, a consultant, a coach, a writer and a mentor for the corporate world. He is an ex IITian with 35 years of experience in corporate, academics and defence. His workshops on ‘Business Excellence thru People (BEP)’ have been highly acclaimed for increasing productivity and profitability of organizations.
Jaitly has a number of articles to his credit and has delivered lectures/ presentations at National and International forums and has travelled across the globe. He had been the Leader for an All India Motor Cycle Rally and was Oi/C for a Car Rally from Kanyakumari to Delhi. He loves to trek, plays Golf. His first motivational book ‘We Can! We Can!’ has been getting very good reviews.
